I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
