I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
