my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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