OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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