i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
