then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
