Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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