watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
