is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
