I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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