it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
