I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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