I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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