awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
