I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
