I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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