FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dicks are not precious.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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