Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
