It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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