Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
