Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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