I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
