I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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