I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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