I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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