everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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