I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
