those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i dont even know how to be here
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
