I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
