I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
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