Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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