piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
