i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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