Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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