And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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