My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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