Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize