You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
