I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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