I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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