I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
