goodnight i made you a song goodbye
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
