So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
