i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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