Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
