my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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