matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize