You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
