dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
