I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
one might say we're banned from that church
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
