I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
