Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
