On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
