My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
