Soap is not a condiment
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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