Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
