he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I party with great urgency now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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