she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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