3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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