I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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