Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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