i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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