The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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