Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
