he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
